Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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