I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
