I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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