So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
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