I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize
