That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
