I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize