i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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