Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
