We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
