i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Randomize
