i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
