Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
