I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
