evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
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