just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Found the puke drawer
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
