He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize
