The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Randomize
