WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
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