Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Randomize
