I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I enjoy the company of your penis
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
