his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Girls should come with a carfax report
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
