I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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