I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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