We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
