Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
i love accidental penises.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
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