Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
