So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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