I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
