So drunk its hurt
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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