You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
