I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
