you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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