If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
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