My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
