Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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