its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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