you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
