Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
