I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
i out mim tonsoeep
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