hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
