I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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