Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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