the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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