I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
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