yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
