Got a toothbrush?
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I just gift wrapped bread.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
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