Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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