I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Drake has all the answers
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
