it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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