i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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