I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
There's always time for handjobs
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Randomize
