i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
