Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
