I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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