census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
