ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
