Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Randomize
