Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Randomize
