My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Randomize
