i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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