idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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