Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
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