Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
God, you're like boner-b-gone
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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