I am in a vortex of obligation.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Randomize
